Ever notice how it's the little things in life that amuse us so much? More to the point, ever notice how it's the silly little idiocies in life that amuse us more than anything else? Well, this is not as much ''the little blog that could'' as it is ''the blog that enjoys going up the down escalator in your local mall.'' Will it have anything of real importance? No, probably not. But enjoy the ride never the less!

 


So as of this morning, there are 3 days left before the "Inventory of Doom"(tm)

And for the most part there is next to nothing left for us to do until the day before/day of arrives. We've counted practically everything, and this remains the first time in five inventories that I have had a day or two to spare.

If I had the energy, I'd be excited. However...yesterday, myself and another employee spent the entire day organizing and counting roughly 800 wallets & wallet-related items. I think it's safe to say I'm rather displeased with wallets as a whole now, and will happily indulge in a Hulk Smash-esque tirade if people start saying things like, "Aren't wallets great?"

(No, that's not an invitation.)

But at least a short reprieve is in sight: there's a 4-hour shift I have to work this morning, and then the rest of the day is free to attend/enjoy Matt's wedding. (On the downside: I have to work tomorrow. I'm seriously tempted to call in dead.)

Labels: weary nonsensical ramblings involving the Inventory of Doom 08 and why it's made me hate wallets

posted by Phillip at 5:34 AM

 


I'd really intended for this entry to be done earlier, however if I had posted this on the actual "day of" it might have seemed somewhat tactless, as it would have followed right after that last bit o' nowhere where the rumours of my death were in fact greatly exaggerated. And I do want to commemorate this moment in time, at least as something to fondly look back upon.

It's no secret we host a small menagerie in our apartment. There's our Shih-tzu, Shady; our cat, Chance; the Holland dwarf lop, Tachi(koma); and Chucky, the goldfish.

Alas, Chucky is no longer with us. There's an empty fishbowl on the corner of the table where he used to swim.

I remember when Mel & I were first introduced to Chucky: Kevin & Dana had rescued him from friends who were...shall we say "rather negligent" in their fish-keeping duties. Somehow, Chucky had survived a year or two of sporadic once or twice a week feedings and once a month at best bowl cleanings. Upon seeing his plight, Kevin & Dana rescued Chucky and brought him to their old apartment...in Stratford.

(Yep, for a run of the mill goldfish, Chucky proved amazingly long-lived and resilient. Perhaps even, dare I say it, John Mclean-esque in his ability to endure. Yippie ki-ay?)

However, Kevin & Dana quickly realized their rescue plan had one flaw: their cat, Willow. While Harley pretty much stared at Chucky and mewed the feline equivalent of "WTF, mate?", Willow stalked poor Chucky every chance she could get. Three failed relocations (and two very close dinner calls) later, and they asked if we would be willing to take in Chucky.

Mel gave me the Bambi eyes. I couldn't say no.

And so Chucky came to live with us. Shady didn't care much for Chucky since he couldn't come out his bowl to play with her. Not long after, Chance joined our growing family...and he seemed about as disinterested as you could get. He knew Chucky was there, but I guess Chance wasn't really a "fish" sort of cat...unless I'm opening a random can that he honestly believes is filled with tuna.

For just over 4 years, Chucky was a happy addition to our gaggle. I am certainly saddened to see him gone, but he made us smile every day we had him, and he was as treasured as the other three pets are. And while it may seem silly to hold such sentiments about a goldfish, he was still family.

We'll miss you, Chucky.

And if you come across any large, menacing fish in that big ol' aquarium in the sky, make sure to kick their asses as you swim away from the inevitable underwater explosions. Yippie ki-ay, and all that.

Labels: goodbye to Chucky the goldfish

posted by Phillip at 8:26 PM

 

Hello there. It's been a while. I'm sure you've been sitting there staring at the screen, waiting a long time. Or you gave up checking this thing regularly, stumbled across it in a random spring cleaning of your bookmarks and on a lark clicked on it, and hey lookie, the lazy bastard's finally decided to grace us with his presence!

So why have I gone into hiding? Am I disenfranchised with the Interwebs and am protesting by not gracing it with my presence...until my ego demands I return to stock back up on loving adoration from the online masses? Am I now the possessor of some DaVinci code-esque secret and must give up my old life in order to avoid being killed by the dozens of fanatical assassins out to silence me?

To tell the truth it's a little bit of misanthropy, and a little bit of Confic amidst working on the store's annual Inventory. Yep, it's that time of year again. And this time around the entire Inventory situation has proven uniquely deranged and satisfactory all at the same time. Originally, they sprung it on us right when Mel & I would have been down in Connecticut, but fortuitously the auditor had no trouble postponing the Inventory until later. Then a few weeks ago, right at the start of April, I got a second set of Inventory paperwork. After consulting with my DM, I discovered it was now scheduled for the first May.

Now it's not often I get 4 weeks advanced notice; usually it's 2 weeks at best. So I've been spending some very busy days at work getting as much of our backstock pre-counted as possible. It's all good, really; I'd rather spend 4 weeks being fairly busy as opposed to spending 2 weeks being out-of-my-mind-crazy-busy. All was good.

And then a day or so ago I learned they were moving up our Inventory from next Thursday to next Tuesday. Which means I am so very glad I spent all my prep time beforehand. The theory goes we won't be totally fustigated when the day of arrives. But in the meantime, I get to spend many working hours working my ass off, and most of my off hours gathering energy to finish up to the Confic.

Which, for all you naysayers out there, is three-quarters done. Yep, you all know who you are. You thought I was being naive. You thought I wasn't up to the challenge of finishing it by May. (Again.) And now I am here to speak to you all and loudly proclaim...


...you were absolutely right. Dammit.

But on the plus side, the Confic features mallet smackings, drive-by bukkake, Easy buttons, naked (but censored) hamsters and some of the best of the worst Chaosfics culled from as far back as the start of the series. Ole!

And I would love to end this entry on something witty and strange, but I am admittedly tired and am at a slight loss of things to add. I mean, it's not like I can just surf around and stumble across a guy having his wanton ways with a picnic table!

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=105778


Oh dear...

Labels: Confic 08, inter-furniture erotic, Inventory ahoy

posted by Phillip at 4:29 PM

 

So apparently, there has been a ridiculous number of substantial (but not exactly profound) anecdotes in my day-to-day activities that have occurred...and somehow I managed to blog not a single one of them. I could blame gravity, or global warning, or even apathy. In the end, I think I'll blame the brain-hankering of the previous bit o' nowhere.

Oh, and Kevin. He (re)introduced me to comedian/ventriloquist Jeff Dunham. Not only does he deliver some brilliantly ridiculous dialogue, but his puppets act like drunk, angry Muppets who don't have to worry about "it's only for kids" censorship. The two shows Kevin had downloaded were from Dunham's "Spark of Insanity" and "Arguing with Myself" specials. I couldn't breathe through most of the shows, I was laughing too hard.

But once he introduced his flagship puppet, Peanut, I realized that I had seen Dunham before: on TV, over 15 years ago when I was still living in Alberta. I feel old now. Excuse me while I cry.

And then, not four days later, I discovered that a local store had both DVDs on sale. They're mine now. Joy! If you are curious and have not yet gone directly to YouTube (thusly not passing Go nor collecting $200), you will want to inspect: http://www.jeffdunham.com/ Or, as Peanut would say, "Je-fa-fa DunHAM...dot-coooooom!"


Now if you'll excuse me, Kevin & I are busy debating which Harry Potter characters could be tossed into the cast of Sesame St. The highlights thus far have been Hagrid as Big Bird, along with his apparently imaginary friend, Mr. Thestralupagus; the entire Hufflepuff house as the Tweedlebugs, and my personal favourite....Luna Lovegood as Grover the waiter, and Cedric Diggory as the poor bugger who ends up as his customer.

Luna: "Would you like to order?"

Cedric: "Why yes...I think I'll have the soup today."

Luna: "Gotcha."

[Luna dreamily skips towards the kitchen doors.]

Luna: "Charlie! One Avada Kedavra for table four!"

Cedric: o.O;; "No, I wanted the soup! The soup!"

Labels: "What's the name of that spell?", Jeff Dunham

posted by Phillip at 3:28 PM

 

I've been experiencing some curious sensations lately. It's hard to describe at times, though I can at least attest that it's not another round of Hand, Foot & Mouth. I've been feeling itchy, and a few odd rashes have appeared on various parts of my body. My skin's grown pale...well, paler than usual. It's been harder to think. My legs aren't working the way they used to, reducing me to a lumbering shuffle.

And I've had the most peculiar hankering for brains. Not on a sandwich, with mustard or pickles, or to dip into chocolate fondue. To quote Jonathan Coulton: "All I want to do is eat your brains."

This vexed me greatly. Not the whole 'wanting to eat brains' thing. Let's be honest: eating a customer who's been annoying me is both satisfying and at the same time an easy way to hide the body. No, what vexed me was the 'why' of it all. Why was I suddenly having this craving for craniums?

Then Dejana sent me a link to a message board, and it all became perfectly clear:

http://scmb.sakuracon.org/viewtopic.php?t=16279

Once you scroll about three-quarters of the way down a discussion for ideas about SakuraCon's Sailormoon panel, you hit this particular post:


On a kinda related note, I LOVED the Tales of the DreamWorld fic that Lord Chaos wrote. When i went to look for his fics today, someone had up that he had passed away. Does anyone know if this is true?


So...apparently I'm dead. That explains the brains.

But at least I'm still enjoying the finer things in life...unlife...what do you call enjoying your post-life life (and not in an afterlife kind of way)?

I'll admit I'm incredibly amused by this. Would I be allowed to perform my own eulogy if this rumor persisted to the point where people held an online funeral for me? (Preferably one with Viking Lolcats.) And would there be an online salad bar I could enjoy afterwards?

This past Wednesday, Mel & I celebrated her birthday. I promised her cake. It turned out to be a lie. Alas. (On a sidenote: $30 for a Snickers cake?! Good lord, my shoes didn't cost that much! ) But Mel did get the last 3 of 26 Classic Winnie-the-Pooh alphabet letters, and also the Nadesico DVD box.

And a story. If there was going to be anything resembling a Today's Lesson, it would be: it's harder to hide writing a story for your wife for 2 years than you think.

In the meantime, work continues on the Confic, the Head Office continues to vex me in a "hey, let's have them rearrange the store every week!" kind of way, and our dog is sulking over the fact that she no longer has any snow to stomp through.

Winter is done though, right?

Right?

Labels: dead man blogging, happy berfday to Mel

posted by Phillip at 10:02 PM